Shut up and listen!

I have opinions.  Profound thoughts.  And ideas, so many ideas.  My mind tends to run at high RPMs, coming up with questions, and answers, and things I want to share.  As you may have noticed on these pages, I do love to share.  I can get rather noisy.

I’m beginning to suspect that may be why it takes me so long to learn.  I’m so busy sharing what I have to say, that I don’t take the time to hear.

For years, I’ve been asking big questions, and then trying to figure out the answers.  Sometimes, I do alright with that.  More often, though, I falter.  I lose my way, I grow frustrated and disillusioned, and eventually, I quit.  I quit asking, quit seeking, quit believing that there are answers, and eventually, I go dormant again.  I’ve grown tired of the cycle.  It’s only recently that I’ve started to accept that I’m making it all much harder than it needs to be.

I don’t have to figure it all out by myself!

I’ve often heard it said, “If you discover that you are the smartest person in the room, then you need to move to another room.”  There’s wisdom in this.  To grow, we need to be challenged, and to be challenged, we need to spend time in the company of people who know more than we do.

By this standard, I’m lucky.  At this time in my life, I find that I am NEVER the smartest person in the room.  I constantly find myself in the company of people who have experienced more, traveled more, studied more, lived more, suffered more, and understood more than I could hope to in a dozen lifetimes.   It is incredibly humbling.  If my sense of self-worth were dependent on being the smartest and the best, I’d be lost.  Fortunately, I’m finally outgrowing that version of myself.

One of the most liberating things I’ve found about being middle-aged is that I no longer feel I need to know everything about everything.  It is wonderful to be able to say, “I don’t know,” without feeling inadequate.  “I don’t know” is empowering, because it allows me to learn from people who DO know.

This is why I don't take selfies.

In recent months, I’ve repeatedly found myself in a rather awkward situation.  I’ll be in a conversation, sharing something brilliant, because I always have something brilliant to say.  (That was in sarcasm font.  I realize that some of you don’t have the sarcasm font installed on your computers, so I thought I should clarify that.)  I’ll be just warming up, and this calm will come over me, and the voice in my head will say, “Troy, I need you to shut up now.  It’s time for you to listen.”  I’ve learned that it’s best not to argue with that voice.  I miss out on things when I do.

 

I feel compelled to qualify this.  I still spout off more than I should.  It’s not an easy thing to completely change your nature.  More often than not, it takes some time for that quiet voice to make itself heard over the noise coming out of my mouth.  Even when I do hear finally hear it, it’s not easy for me to shut up, because I have things I REALLY want to say.  I’m learning, though.  If you’re talking with me, and I just suddenly fall silent, it’s entirely likely that the voice just told me to stop and listen to what YOU have to say.  Either that, or I may have gotten distracted.  There might have been a squirrel.  Or something shiny. 

I’m also learning that the art of listening is not restricted to how I respond to the people that are physically present.  It also means opening myself up to the written word.  Did you know that people have been having really good ideas, and writing about them, for a very long time?  I know, that’s a silly question.  Sadly, based on observable evidence in my own life, I’ve been living as though that were not the case.  Ironic, given that my faith is based on writings in a 2,000-year-old text. 

I believe this awakening awareness may explain, in part, why I’ve started reading non-fiction.  Part of me is realizing that I’ve been cheating myself out of something wonderful.  There’s a vast wealth of knowledge, experience and wisdom out there, if I just accept the gift and listen to what these authors have to say.

Hmm.  Isn’t this almost the exact same thing I said about my spiritual life a while back?  I’m starting to see a pattern here.

I find that my desire to learn is growing on a daily basis, sometimes exponentially.  I want to become… more.  More patient, more creative, more empathetic, more compassionate, more loving, more generous.  Certainly, more attentive, and absolutely more quiet.  I want to be transformed, and for that to happen, I need to allow myself to be different than I have been in the past. 

I’ve missed so much, allowed too many opportunities for growth to slip by, simply because I’ve been too damn loud.  I’m trying to teach myself to be quiet, and to listen.  I might even learn how to sit at the feet of people who know more than I do, and to take in what they have to say.  Wouldn’t that be something?