The Underlying Themes

My apologies to all of you who have been awaiting my next post.  While there is not a set schedule for these, I try not to keep you waiting too long, lest you lose interest.

As an author, it is usually a good thing to receive confirmation that what you have written is true.  Usually.  For good or bad, it appears that my last post contained a great deal of truth, at least on a personal level.  Apparently, the "opposition" didn't care much for what I had to say, and my convictions were put to the test in a rather spectacular and scary fashion.  Details are unnecessary, but I will say that the eleven days between my last post and this morning have been some of the scariest and disheartening I have experienced in recent years, possibly even some of the worst ever.  Hope was lost, my spirit was crushed, fear overwhelmed me and those closest to me.

By God, we must be doing something right!  And by the way, we made the choice to trust, and God provided.  It works that way.  Not always the way I'd like it to, but always the way it needs to.

So...  how do we find "IT:"  That magical, wonderful thing we are created for?  The thing  (or things) we are made to do?  Darn good question, and one I am tragically unqualified to answer.  I have some ideas, though, some radical thoughts to share with you.  Thoughts on how to find "IT," thoughts on what "creativity" actually means, thoughts on cutting our own path through the briar patch.  I make no guarantees, and there is no warranty implied, but... 

What I share with you today are the things that kept floating to the surface over the past ten days.  These are the things that continually came to me in direct contradiction to our circumstances, that had the sweet aroma of Truth that somehow managed to slip through the stink of our fear.  They're nuggets, really, just tiny bits that managed to shine in the darkness.  You know what, though?  It was the darkness that made them stand out, just like the subject in the low-key photographs we discussed a few posts ago.  So, in defiance of the darkness, I am going to do my best to breath life into these tiny embers and share their warmth with you.  Take that, Darkness!

(Heh, heh.  It felt good to say that!)

First, it came to me that our definition of "creativity" tends to be terribly restrictive, and it needn't be.  I tend to think that most of you who have been drawn to these pages are creative in the traditional sense -- you are artists and musicians, writers and photographers and dancers and thespians and singers.  You know, the outcasts, the oddballs, the eccentrics.  We are used to thinking of ourselves as having something inside us that makes us different.  Here's the thing, though.  I believe that we ALL have been individually crafted by our creator.  Each of us is a unique and wonderful work of art, designed with specific purpose and bearing a reflection of our creator within us. 

So what  does that mean?  To start with, it means that when those of us who are "traditional creatives" look down our noses at differently-gifted people, we are guilty of being creativity snobs.  We are being just as hateful as those people who made us feel different and weird.  I think that we need to lay those preconceptions aside if we are going to be successful in this journey.  For the sake of discussion, let me toss this out to you:  There is no "Normal."  No ordinary.  No one who isn't gifted with creativity of some kind, because we all carry a reflection of our creator within us.  What does this mean?  In essence, it means that we have to expand our definition of "creative."  When I talk about unlocking and exploring our creativity, I am talking about discovering those natural abilities and gifts that are hard-wired into each of us.  Whether that means penning a novel or discovering that you have a gift for organization is irrelevant.  What is relevant is that you go on the journey.  I believe creativity is being obedient to your calling, no matter if it is as a sculptor or accountant or mother or mathematician.

Second, I think we need to lay aside the preconception that we have to tie our creativity to how we make a living.  I'll confess, it pains me to say this.  I want to make a living with my creative gifts!  But here's the trap I've fallen into repeatedly over the past thirty years or so:  Every time I start to explore my own creativity, I ask myself how I can make a living with it.  I find myself unable to answer the question, and so I get discouraged and turn away from the exploration.  I think, "I can't do this while I'm in this job," or, "I'm too worried about making rent to write right now," or some other nonsense.  As a result, I think myself right out of doing what I want to do.  If you are wondering, the answer is yes, that's just stupid.

There is a vast difference between "making a living" and "living."  Making a living is the process of earning the funds we need to cover our basic needs.  In the world we live in, it's becoming increasingly difficult, and as a result, it tends to dominate our thoughts.  These are scary times.  Nothing is secure, nothing is certain, nothing is safe.  Ick.  Fear takes hold of us, chokes the breath from our lungs, steals our hope.  Trust me, I know. 

Here's what else I know, though I don't yet understand the full truth of it:  "Making a living" is a lie that the opposition has created to keep us from Living.  It's a distraction, a smoke-and-mirrors trick designed to direct our attention away from the things that really matter.  It's a way of stealing our focus and energies away from what we are made for.  I'm not saying that it doesn't matter.  Let's face it -- food and shelter matter!  They matter a great deal.  Good news, though -- our creator knows this.  Whether you believe it or not, you were not individually hand-crafted only to be cast out and ignored! 

God promises this in his Word in Jeremiah 29:11  ""For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.""  I'm not even going to apologize to those of you who aren't Christian.  This is a fundamental Truth that I believe in, a promise that I cling to.  Why?  Because over and over again, it has proven to be true in my life.

So where am I going with this, you ask?  I want, no, scratch that, I NEED you to understand a vital distinction.  "Making a living" is about survival, nothing more.  It's that state of entropy that the universe tries to enforce on us, that place were we exist with as little energy as possible.  This journey is about Living.  I want all of us to quit just surviving and start coming Alive.  (Yes, the capitalization is completely intentional!)  I know, I keep coming back to this, and I apologize for that.  It's because I am incredibly dense and often stupid, and this blog is self-serving.  I am trying to convince my head of that which my spirit knows to be true.

Unlocking our creativity, in any and all of its myriad forms, is all about Living.

So what do we do?  I've known since sixth grade that I was made to write, but I've never done it.  Not fearlessly, not without letting those pesky questions of survival choke it off.

I suspect I'm also make to draw and paint and sculpt and... well, I'm made to make stuff.  Cool stuff, I hope.  But I'm definitely made to make stuff:  Inspiring, uplifting... stuff.  Not very well-defined, I know, but at least I know.  I'm lucky that way.  I also know that a lot of us on this journey aren't so lucky.  For what it's worth, there are many days when I'm not, either, when my knowledge of my purpose is utterly lost.   Fortunately, I believe that our creator didn't just hard-wire us with unique gifts and abilities, he also hard-wired us with the knowledge of their existence. 

The problem that we tend to face is that this knowledge is often incompatible with our thought processes, our logic and our worldly way of thinking.   We are programmed to ask the wrong question, to paraphrase John F. Kennedy, asking "...what I can do for my country (or my family, or my employer, or... whatever.)"  It's not that this is a bad question; in fact, it's a good question.  It's just the wrong question to unlock what we're made for, because the focus is on what the world needs. 

I read a passage recently that hit me like a two-by-four to the head, making me completely re-evaluate the question I was asking.  In his book "Wild at Heart," author John Eldredge quoted a passage by Howard Thurman:

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs.  Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

I was floored by the elegant simplicity of the words.  At first glance, it seems selfish, because the focus is on yourself.  In truth, it is the least selfish thing we can do, because in coming alive, we bring light into the lives of everyone around us.  Being alive is highly contagious!  If we engage in that which makes us come alive, we are throwing a stone into the still water of the entropy that the opposition tries to force on us.  The ripples spread to those around us.  Its the genuine answer to the "What can I do for..." question.  You can come alive, and in doing so you can breathe life into those around you.

I know many of us are on this journey feel lost, with no sense of direction.  I believe, however, that each of us has experienced moments in time that made us feel alive, in the truest sense of the word.  To find what we are made for, we have to be willing to explore those moments, to play time-traveler in our heads and return to them.  For some of us, maybe even all of us, it's going to be difficult.  The world we live in makes it hard to hold onto those moments.  They get buried under layers of stress and disbelief.  Voices whisper that it wasn't really that good, that we are romanticizing those moments.  The unbeliever in each of us will bring up the imperfect moments that followed, the greater context, the ugly waste that life dumped on us in the time that surrounded those moments.  Our "logic" will seek with everything it has to diminish the glow of those moments and convince us of their insignificance.

All of those things are lies.  They are the entropy, the opposition, the Enemy striving to keep us away from discovering that those "perfect moments in time" actually existed for each of us!  I don't know about you, but I have lost all patience with those forces that seek to steal these things from me, and I am striking back by reclaiming them.  These moments of wonder, of Life, are real and must not be diminished!  We must dig for them, treasure them and hold onto them.  The clues we so desperately need lie within them.

I can offer a real-world illustration from my own life.  When I moved away from New Mexico nearly twelve years ago, it wasn't long before I started to ache for what I'd left behind.  Without going into detail, we didn't leave under the best circumstances -- I was the human equivalent of whipped dog with his tail tucked between his legs.  I started to romanticize our lives here, to ache for the blue of the sky, the color of the sunset on the Sandias, the scent of pinon smoke coming from fireplaces on a fall morning, for the golden color of the late-afternoon light and the low roar of hot air balloons in the sky.  In my cynical heart, I knew that I wasn't remembering it as it really was, knew it with everything I had.  I convinced myself that I was just romanticizing the memory because our current circumstances sucked.

But...  when I finally returned to visit, I discovered something interesting.  The sky over New Mexico really is that big and blue.  The color of the sunset on the Sandias really is stunning, as is the quality of that golden late-afternoon light.  When I caught the scent of pinon smoke and sopapillas in the air of the north valley, my heart released and whispered "I am home."  For me, it was real, all of it, just as I remembered.  This place, this magical land, is a vital part of me.  I don't understand why, but it is part of what makes me come alive.  At the heart of things, that's why I've returned to this place, despite what it may cost me.

As I look back, I see so many perfect moments in time in my life:  My granddad walking in the door and picking me up when I couldn't have been much more than two years old; riding in the back seat of Dad's '55 Chevy and laughing at the sun blinking through the leaves of cottonwood trees; backpacking with Mom and Dad in the Pecos and reaching the top of a long climb to see a breathtaking alpine meadow with snow-capped peaks behind it.  There was that terrifying moment in sixth grade when Mrs. Martinez made me read my story aloud to the class, and suddenly I was... cool.  Me, the geek.  I could do something wonderful that no one else in the room could do.  (I know that one or two of you who are reading these pages were actually there in that classroom.  Did you know that you were a vital part of one of my "perfect moments?")  There was that amazing moment in the earliest days of my relationship with my wife when I realized that this incredible girl, who had no reason to trust me, trusted me completely.   Those magical moments when I looked into the eyes of each of my kids for the first time.  These, and so many more...

There is a danger in returning to these moments, especially when our current existence is harsh and unforgiving.  It is a danger born of the opposition.  If our enemy can't get us to deny the reality of those moments, he will try to seduce us into entropy by getting us to dwell in them.  Just as we should not deny the real and life-giving reality of those moments, we cannot allow ourselves to be lulled into living in the past.  Life is not designed to be lived in the past, nor consumed by worrying about the future.  At this point in our existence, we are temporal beings.  We exist in the Present, the Now.  The Now is the only place where we can have impact.  Yes, the ripples of our actions can move forward into the future, but the land of Here and Now is where we have the power to affect change.

If that's the case, then why think on those "perfect moments in time?"  I believe it is because the keys to unlocking our effectiveness in the present lie in those moments.  For me, there are underlying themes that run through all my perfect moments:  Love; Beauty; Discovery; Encouragement; Empowerment; Creation; Trust; Faithfulness; Contentment.  In every perfect moment I can recall, at least one of these themes lie at the core of its perfection; often, three or more blend together.  These are the core elements that are woven through the core of all that I am.   These are the heart of me.

I wish I was a better writer, that I could say this more eloquently.  It matters so much, and I feel that my words are woefully inadequate to the task.  Fortunately, I'm not limited by my own abilities, and I trust that God will use me effectively to talk to you, despite my limitations.  Here's what I'm trying to say:  If you honestly look back over your own life and examine those perfect moments, I promise you that you will discover underlying themes of your own.  You will find your own heart, your own essential elements, your own core truths.  This isn't mumbo-jumbo!  It is the fulfillment of God's promise that if we seek Him, we will find him.  In seeking the truth that is woven through the fiber of your being, you are seeking the image of the creator that is embedded in you.  I know this to be true, with everything I am and everything I have the potential to be.

There's a lot of self-help and self-discovery advice out there in the world, and a lot of it is good.  The world, however, tends to twist the definition of those core themes we are looking for in our perfect moments.  What we are not searching for in these moments are those aspects that leave us crying, "More, more, I want more!"  Yes, most of our perfect moments have an element of this.  "More, I want more," is our physical, psychological, worldly response to that which is pleasing and perfect.  Unfortunately, it's also the response that drives many of our most destructive impulses.  It's the force behind our desire for more stuff, more money, more love, more whatever, and it is insatiably hungry and it can never, ever be satisfied.  Do you see why we don't want to fixate on these elements of our perfect moments?

At the heart of every perfect moment in our lives, there is something deeper than the desire for more.  There is an element that touches something deeper in us, that moves past the flesh and into the spirit.  If we are willing to look deep enough, I am convinced that we will always find an element that makes us feel complete, that overwhelms us with a sense of wonder.  It's that sense of completeness and contentment that serves to make that moment in time stand out for us, to let us recall them with such perfect clarity.  I lack the credentials to convince you through logical means, so all I can do is say what I know to be true:  Those elements of perfect moments that give us the sense of completion and wonder are the heart of our unique, hard-wired creative gifts.

I know, I know – this feels like a rabbit trail.  Sounds good, but it's all useless if you can't apply it to your life.  Concept without action does you no good whatsoever.  Here's the thing, though.  We CAN apply this directly to our lives, now, today!  As you examine your perfect moments, ask yourself why it was perfect.  What was it that you did in that moment that gave you that sense of contentment?  Now here’s the tough part, at least for me:  Don't focus on where you were, or what others were doing, but rather on your actions, your choices, your responses.  Direct your thoughts to those aspects of that moment that are internal,  to the things that you had control over:  i.e., yourself.  Then move from the past to the now, and look at your life and the choices you are making today.  Ask yourself how you can choose to respond to your current life in a way that will allow you to feel that blessed contentment again.

For this to be effective, it will require action on your part.  You have to Choose, and you have to Do.  You have to be willing to appear selfish, to do things that breath life into the heart of you.  You have to be willing to actively resist those forces in your life that seek to discourage you.  If, in examining your perfect moment, you said to yourself, "It felt so good to have painted that picture," then you have to be willing to pick up a paintbrush and paint again, without worrying about whether the painting will be good or not.  The painting itself is the byproduct, not the goal.  If your contentment was in just looking in the eyes of your lover on your first date, then you have to be willing to risk just looking deep into their eyes again, no matter how long you have been together or how rocky the relationship may be.  You have to be willing to risk having them say "What on earth are you doing?"  You have to be willing to appear silly, or foolish, or sentimental.  You even have to be willing to fail.

Why?  Because just like the painting, success is a byproduct, not a goal.  Our world has mixed that all up and confused us.  Our world has taught us to always put the cart in front of the horse.  Is it any wonder that we are all so confused and messy?

One more thing:  It doesn't have to be big, or life-changing, for it to change your life.  Sometimes, perhaps even most times, it is the small choices that can make the biggest difference.  As I've been thinking back over my "perfect moments in time," I've noticed something interesting.  It is very, very rare that they are anything more than a moment.  Not a day, or an hour, or even minutes.  So very many of them are only seconds long.  Moments, and yet they shape and sustain me.

It's been a rough week.  Yesterday was scary, full of very real worries about our immediate future.  I thought I had solutions, only to run into obstacles I could not overcome.  I was at my desk, trying to find solutions, and the dogs scratched at the door to be let out.  I opened the door, and discovered that it was starting to rain, and the sweet scent of the air captured me.  I don't know if I can explain this, but the rain smells different here.  It is cleaner somehow, pure and alive.  In Oklahoma, the rain always carried an underlying scent of decay to it, and I'd missed the clean scent of New Mexico rain.  With all the fear, it would have been so easy to close the door and turn away... 

Instead, I stepped out on the back porch and drew the perfume of the desert rain deep into my lungs, closed my eyes and savored it.  For an instant, I was transported back to days sitting with Granddad Williams on his front porch, watching the thunderheads build and roll in over the city; to the soft music of rainfall on the bricks of our courtyard in Llanito while a fire burned in the fireplace of my studio there; to every moment of peace I've ever experienced while watching the rain.  It was just a moment out of my day, five seconds or so, but it changed me.  By claiming that moment, I altered my outlook, changed my perspective.  I reminded myself that there are greater things in the universe than the fears that threatened to overwhelm me.  It was a perfect moment, claimed in the midst of my personal hell.  Because of that moment, I remembered that one of the things that makes me come alive in the here and now is sharing these thoughts with you.

Look for that magic within yourself.  Dare yourself to remember what you love to do, and then grant yourself permission to do it.  Touch that place of contentment and wonder within yourself without constraining yourself with the expectations of specific outcomes.  Allow yourself to Be, and you will open yourself to Become.

Finally, I want to reassure you, and myself, and it may seem contradictory.  If you feel confident and safe, sure that you are on the right path...  dig deeper.  Keep peeling back the layers until you find the thing that you ache for, but that fills you with unreasoning fear, and then pursue that path.  Why?  Because a spirit of fear is not a spirit of God.  Fear is a tool of our Enemy, of the opposition.  Your creator will not make you feel afraid, but you can be assured that the opposition will use fear as a tool to keep you from going where he doesn't want you to go.  I know my logic may seem messed up here, but the heart of me is starting to recognize me that my fear serves as a signpost, not warning me away but showing me where to go!  Yes, I know what I'm saying here, and I pray that this isn't one of those times that I lead you astray. 

If we are going to lay claim to the heart of what God made us to be, I think we have to do what scares us most.

Wow, I wonder where that came from.  More soon.  Think on your perfect moments.

The Opposition

So, why is it so darn hard to be creative?

I suspect that each of you struggling creative types has asked that question countless times.  God knows I have.  If you share my experience, I believe that you have attempted this journey several times before.  Conceptually, it's easy.  Figure out what you're made to do, and then do it.  (This is a process that deserves greater discussion, so anticipate a full post on the topic within a few days.)  At its heart, it doesn't get much simpler than this.  Figure it out, and then do it.  If you're a writer, write; if you're a painter, paint; if you're a musician, then pick up your instrument and play.  (Fill in your personal passion and activity here.)  Simple, and yet...

Have you noticed how often life seems to happen, getting in the way of what you yearn to do?  Isn't it interesting?  We have plenty of time to sit on the couch and sacrifice brain cells to reality TV, but it becomes nearly impossible to claim fifteen minutes to jot a thought down on paper.  You start a sketch, and coffee gets spilled on it.  You spend an hour trying a new photographic technique, only to misplace the memory card from the camera.  The car breaks down, the kids get sick, workplace drama carries over into your personal life...  and your creativity suffers.  True, life goes on all the time, but it seems to be a near universal truth that it happens with unusual and frustrating intensity any time you start to actively explore your creative self.  It's almost as though there were a sentient and malevolent force trying to prevent you from becoming engaged with your creativity.  Silly, I know, but I also know that most if not all of you have experienced this at one time or another.

Well, here's a radical thought.  What if that's exactly what it is? 

Before going any further, I want to clarify something about myself and my view of the world we inhabit.  Though Christian, I am NOT one of those Christians who sees Satan lurking behind every unpleasant or unfortunate thing that happens.  For the most part, I think a cold is just a cold, that the guy that cuts you off in traffic is just someone that wasn't paying attention, that the fan belt in your car breaks simply because it was old and worn out.  I don't believe that these events are evil and malevolent, and I certainly don't think the world is out to get us.  Please don't take this as a personal affront, but to be honest, I don't think the world is sufficiently aware of any one of us to care whether we have a good day or not.  The world is indifferent. 

But...  That doesn't mean that there isn't something out there that stands in opposition to our creative self-discovery.  You don't have to be Christian or even spiritual to experience this, or to accept this.  The laws of the physical world support this as well.  Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.  You cannot have light without also having darkness.  The universe is a maelstrom of creation and destruction.  Call it Yin and Yang, Push and Pull, Good and Evil, Light and Darkness.  To my eyes, the universe attempts to bring everything into a state of entropy, nullifying movement, cooling heat, canceling creation.  In effect, the universe tends to resist the active, seeking to bring everything into a state of just existing.   

So how does this relate to our personal struggle to be creative?  In it's simplest terms, creativity is the opposite of entropy.  It is the ultimate expression of movement, of action.  It is an active refusal to just exist, a claiming of our heritage as created beings, an acceptance of the audacious idea that we may share in the creative energy that brought the universe into existence in the first place.  In daring to be creative, we actively rebel against the stillness that the universe attempts to force upon creation.  The law of inertia, however, states that a body at rest tends to stay at rest.  When you start to explore your creativity, you are attempting to go from a static to an active state.  Because of the way it is designed, the universe will resist this change.  Fortunately, the law of inertia also states that a body in motion tends to stay in motion.  Thanks to a wonderful thing called momentum, the longer and harder we push, the more likely we are to keep moving. 

Now, let's take this a step further.  If we accept that we are created, then we must also accept that there is a creator:  an active, creative force that brought us into existence.  Based on the observable laws of the universe we inhabit, it follows, therefore, that there must also be a force that opposes the act of creation.  Whether we like this concept or not is irrelevant.  As a Christian, I believe that my Creator is Good and Holy; therefore I must also believe that the opposing force is Evil and Profane.  Your spiritual journey may have you in a different place, and you may be far more comfortable labeling these forces with names like Light and Darkness, Creation and Destruction, Positive Energy and Negative Energy.  I honestly don't believe that the names we apply have any real significance.  What does matter is that we acknowledge that they exist, and that they have a very real and measurable impact on our lives and actions.

So long as we are content to just exist, to drift along with the current, we are not unleashing anything that requires opposition.  We are, for all intents and purposes, inert, existing in the universe's preferred state of entropy.  If, however, we start to try and connect with that part of our Creator that resides within us, we begin to move and become active.  We come into contact with that vibrant energy that speaks stars into existence, letting it flow through us and energize us.  And the universe, the negative force, the Evil, resists us!  Why?  Because the laws that govern our existence requires it to do so.   By becoming active, we encounter the force which exists to quell activity.  Left unchecked, this negative force will effectively neutralize our efforts to become creative, bringing us back to a standstill.

If this is so, does it mean that our creative endeavors are doomed before we ever begin?  In a word, no.   Not if we acknowledge the inevitable resistance.  By exercising our free will, we can actively and deliberately continue to push forward on our journey of self-discovery.  In fact, we can choose to be encouraged by the resistance.  The simple truth is that the presence of resistance is a positive indicator that we are on the right track.  It is the very act of releasing our creativity that triggers resistance!  So if the brown and gloppy stuff seems to hit the fan every time you start to make progress, be of good cheer.  You are on the verge of discovering magic.

There is good news.  The same law of inertia that makes it so hard to get moving also makes it more likely that we will keep moving if we persist.  Yes, the universe loves balance and entropy, but that doesn't mean that we must remain inert.  Try thinking of it as cyclical energy, rather than as irresistible force meeting immovable object. 

We tend to think of light and darkness as static and opposite, like a rectangle divided down the center, half black and half white.  Each side presses against the other, neither moving forward, neither overtaking the other.  Instead, consider the Asian symbol of yin & yang, a circular symbol.  Like our rectangle, it is equally divided, but not by a straight line.  Instead, the division is curved and dynamic, with each side pressing into the other.  Encompassed within the heart of the darkness is an area of light, and within the heart of light is an area of darkness.   As you look at the symbol, it is easy to see how the opposing forces actually create energy, rather than neutralizing it.  As we have seen, the active creative energy creates resistance from the negative, but rather than acting against each other, the forces each serve to move the other forward with ever increasing speed and power.  The energy becomes self-sustaining.

 

Our creative lives can utilize this same energy.  When we encounter resistance, we have a choice.  We can treat it as a wall, and let it stop us cold.  Alternately, we can choose to focus our creative energy in a way that redirects the resistance we encounter, letting it impell us forward.   As we do this, we gain momentum, pressed forward by the very forces that could have held us back.  If we continue, we hit a tipping point where we become bodies in motion, and that law of inertia tends to keep us in motion.

For those of you who share my faith, there is additional power in this.   We have the right to call on God, to ask His help in unlocking the potential he has placed inside us.  This is our birthright.  God wants us to connect with him, to discover what he made us for, to become effective and dynamic.  If he did not, he would not have offered us salvation or grace.  Now I am just twisted enough to delight in what this implies:  If we move forward in this dynamic way, the resistance that our enemy places as an obstacle becomes the energy that drives us forward.  Isn't that cool?  Perhaps it reveals a fundamental lack of spiritual maturity on my part, but I love the thought that the machinations of the Devil can be used to move me for the Good.

In closing, let me encourage you.  If you are meeting resistance, good!  You are on the right track, beyond any doubt.  Don't ignore the negative or pretend it isn't there.  Press up against it, focus your energy.  Push your creativity with everything you have.  Be willing to fail spectacularly, for the sake of moving forward.  I promise, that which resists you will remain, but it will start to move with you.  If you are overcome by darkness, realize that it is cyclical and it will pass.

My prayers are with you.

The Value of Seeing the Good.

Hello, my fellow travelers.  You have no idea how delighted and amazed I am to discover that you are still here with me.  I'd like to warn you:  This is likely to be a "Rabbit Trail" day.  My thoughts are all over the place today, and my writing is likely to reflect that.  I genuinely hope that I can lead you through this briar patch without getting anyone entangled.  Welcome to the wonderful mess that is my creative process.

Today, I want to explore one of the fundamental aspects of who I am.  (Remember, I warned you that I would tend to share about myself in here.)  I'm not doing this to say "Hey, look at me!  Aren't I marvelous?"  It's simpler than that, really.  This is me calling out to all of you on this trail, saying, "Hey, come here!  This is so cool!"

I choose to be a positive person.  I live my life by trying to see Beauty.  (Yes, it's capitalized intentionally.)  I believe, with everything I am, that we are surrounded by the good, the beautiful, the amazing.  I also believe that we tend to find what we are looking for.  Have you ever observed a pessimist in action?  They expect the worst to happen, and they tend to have their view of the world validated at every turn.  They seek the negative, and they find it.  Ick!  (My apologies to you pessimists out there, but that's just depressing.)  On the other hand, I want to encourage you to observe, as objectively as possible, a positive person.  (This may take some effort on your part, as they are increasingly rare.)  Watch how they react to the world around them, and more importantly, the details of the world that they choose to focus on.  I can tell you with confidence that they experience a very different world, because they choose to expect the good, to look for the beautiful.

Now here's the interesting part:  These people inhabit the same world.  The world just is.  It, in of itself, is neither ugly nor beautiful, good nor evil, indifferent nor passionate.  It just is, with all its wonderful complexity.  It is the physical environment that we, as both physical and spiritual beings, currently experience as our reality.  The world is neither out to get us, or here to bless us.  It is indifferent.  So, if this is the case, why do people experience it so differently?  I believe it is because they choose to.

This is where free will comes into play.  Although I believe we are all, to one degree or another, hard-wired with certain gifts, abilities and perceptions, I also believe that we have to power to decide how we will utilize these things.  Since this is an exploration of creativity and spiritual growth, I would go so far as to say that it is our responsibility to actively make a choice.  In my life, I have found that the most effective way to start making these choices is by changing what I focus on in the world around me.  If I look for what is beautiful, I am surprised by unexpected beauty.  If I seek what is good, I discover nuggets of kindness in outwardly nasty people.  I could go on, but I think you see what I mean, even if you don't believe it.

Seeking the good is like attaching a filter to the lense through which we see the world.  As a photographer, I often use a polarizing filter.  Why?  Because I love the way it filters the light.  A polarizer alters the way that light enters my camera, reducing glare and haze so that details leap out and colors are intensified.  The sky becomes a deeper blue, still water gains depth, reflective surfaces that were obscured by glare are revealed when the light is filtered.  To my eye, the world is enhanced.  Seeking the positive filters my world in a similar way.  Yes, in reality the haze and glare are still there, but my chosen filter allows me to see past them to what lies beneath.

Please note that I am not saying that it is healthy to view the world with naive, rose-colored glassed.  There is darkness in the world around us, and it can be dangerous to ignore it.  There is, however, a profound difference between acknowledging the darkness and focusing on it.  I seem to be thinking in terms of photographic analogies here, so I'm going to stick with what is working for me today.   As a way of illustrating what I am trying to convey, I want to introduce you to two styles of portraying light in a photograph:  high-key images and low-key images.

For the purposes of our discussion, consider a high-key image as a representation of the world through those proverbial rose-colored glasses.  A high-key image is essentially light in tone:  the subject is light, the background is light, shadows are subdued and minimal, and the image often conveys a feeling of softness, even peace.  It is an image that is carefully constructed to give minimal consideration to darkness.  The problem with a high-key image is not in what is perceived, but in what is lost.  Colors are washed out, details tend to be softened, and depth is lost.  There is, for lack of a better word, a feeling of shallowness.  In a photograph, this can be a form of artistic expression.  In perceiving the world, however, I believe that shallowness equates to a loss of credibility.  By focusing only on the light, the deeper beauty is lost.

A low-key image at first may appear to be the opposite of the high-key image, with an overall tone that is dark.  The reality, however, is quite the opposite.  While the overall image may be dark and lost in shadow, the subject is illuminated, typically with a small and concentrated light.  Texture and color tend to leap from the image in those selectively illuminated areas, and the image conveys a sense of strength and mystery.  The darkness is acknowledged, even embraced, appearing to the untrained eye to dominate the image, but this is where the magic comes alive.  It is the acknowledged presence of the darkness that draws your eye to the light!  The shadows give life to the illuminated, giving it depth and dimension and mystery and magic.  To my eye and spirit, the light among the shadows has far greater power than the light by itself.  I believe (perhaps erroneously) that this is how I choose to see the world around me, by acknowledging both light and darkness, and finding my beauty in the interaction of the two.

Now, on to reality.  Most, if not all of us, are living in a troubled world right now.  I am far from immune.   As you sit and read this, you may be thinking that this sounds nice, but you cannot see how to apply a positive view to the overwhelmingly negative circumstances of your life.  Believe me, I get it.  Lest you consider me a hypocrite, let me share the general circumstances of my life today.

I know, on a very personal and all too real level, these demons and more: financial insecurity, nonexistent resources, unemployment, damaged credit ratings, the inability to cover even the most basic needs.  I know what it is to wake up in the haunted hours of the night, unable to return to sleep because I am consumed with worry and fear.  I know what it is to feel the breath crushed from your chest by that fear, to despair of ever being in a good place again.  And yes, I know how that can kill every creative thought you might have…

But...  (I know, I should NEVER start a sentence with a conjunction!)  The evening light on the Sandia mountains was breathtaking last night, and I chose to notice it.  The sky is clear and blue this morning, though there is a haze in the air that reminds me more of Oklahoma than New Mexico.  I have radical thoughts, questions of "what if..."  Due to our circumstances, it would be easy to focus that "what if" on the negative questions, on the fear.  Instead, however, I'm choosing the more difficult path, the rabbit trail.  What if standing on the edge of loosing everything means I have nothing to lose by trying something different?  What if NOW is the time?  What if I were to go with what my inner nature calls me to be, what it aches for?  What if my thoughts, my admittedly different way of seeing the world, actually mattered?  What if my struggles had the power to set someone else free?  What if, instead of running from my fears, I were to capture them, harness them, give them direction as a sense of urgency and let them drive me forward to places I've never had the courage to go to?  What if I focus on the tiny embers glowing in the darkness and breathe on them till they burst into flame?  Damn, that would be cool.

So now you see why I'm writing these words.  They are an exploration of the positive side of "what if."  They are my way of fighting back, of drawing my sword and striking at that which would crush my spirit.  More than that, they are my way of enouraging you to do the same.  They are my declaration:  I will seek the beautiful, and I will find it!  No matter what, I will find it.  I refuse to surrender that, and I hope you do as well.  The good, the right, the beautiful...  these are our birthright, our inheritance as the Creator's handcrafted works of art.  I choose to exercise my free will and claim them.

I know many of you who read these pages are not Christian, but hopefully you are open to truth, even if it is contained in Christian scripture.  In his letter to the Romans, Paul wrote these words of encouragement:  "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."  (Romans 8:28, New Living Translation)  Please note that Paul does suggest that everything will be good, but rather everything will work together "for the good".  The negative and ugly will happen, but if you are seeking God and his purpose for you, there is always a silver lining.  Always.  "Everything" is an all-inclusive word.  And here's the cool part, whether you are Christian or not.  If you are on this path, if you are trying to discover what you are made for, if you are open to the idea that you were created with artistic intent, then you are "called according to his purpose!"  Though I have no doubt that there are theologians that would passionately disagree with me on this point, I believe it with everything I am.

Here's what I am trying to convey:  There is power in you, in your life, in even the darkest circumstances.  This power is undeniable and irrefutable.  It is there, whether you acknowledge it or not.  If you ignore it or try to deny it, or focus on the negative aspects of it, that power is likely to consume you from the inside out, eating away at the core of you until you are hollowed out, an empty husk of "might-have-been."  It will crush you with it's indifference.

But...  if you make the conscious decision to claim it, to focus on the goodness of it, to accept that it is wired into you, it can transform you.  It can make you feel alive, because in claiming in you accept your right to be alive.  This is not new-age, hocus-pocus feel-good stuff.  It is the truth that we are afraid to see, because it carries with it an obligation, a responsibility, to LIVE.  To discover and become what we were created to be.

So, how does this tie in to the overall theme of this blog, to the positive exploration of creativity?  To my way of thinking, it's the key that unlocks everything else.  It is the choice, the declaration that by seeking the Good and the Beautiful, we will become contagious, that we will empower our own creativity and that of those around us.  Isn't that what this quest is about?

And with that in mind, I leave you for today, stepping out to try and find beauty in my very scary circumstances.  Your prayers and good wishes are appreciated, and your comments and thoughts are welcomed.